When a relationship begins, it is normal to experience a deep love that leads us to think that every moment with that special person. However, as the relationship progresses, the real personalities of each person will come to light. and the defects and virtues of each one, which will help the relationship to stabilize and consolidate. However, during this process, some people become so dependent on their partner that they neglect other fundamental pillars in their lives.
For this reason, in this Psychology-Online article we will tell you How can you tell if it's love or dependency? what you feel, in addition to explaining in detail the main differences between love and emotional dependence.
Index
- You live to please your partner
- You are unable to be happy if you are alone
- excessive jealousy
- Lack of selfesteem
- Decision-making capacity disappears
- Permanent fear that something will happen to your partner
- You idealize the other person
- No option to trade
- Constant need to receive displays of affection
- Permanent fear of infidelity
You live to please your partner.
When a person is emotionally dependent on another, his only motivation to live will be to please his partner. In this way, getting their approval at all costs is the only thing that matters to them, so the dependent will do everything possible to satisfy your partner, although that goes against the principles themselves.
On the contrary, in healthy love each member of the couple will try to reach beneficial agreements in which both feel calm and can grow on a personal level.
You are unable to be happy if you are alone.
Another of the main signs that it is not love, but dependency, is feeling that your world is collapsing than when you are away from your partner. Consequently, the dependent person will tryalways be with thatperson, despite the fact that it may make him/her uncomfortable and cause the relationship to break.
Similarly, if you are dependent you will feel a continuous sensation of fear of abandonment, which may lead to looking for the third-party company at all times. Likewise, the absence of a partner usually causes somatic symptoms, such as tightness in the throat, palpitations, anxiety states and, in more severe cases, depression.
Excessive jealousy.
Emotionally dependent people develop pathological jealousy that is born for no apparent reason. For this reason, their social relationships are limited, since the dependent will try to control all aspects of their partner's life.
In some cases they may even appear compulsive attitudes to control each step of the couple in your daily routine. This characteristic of emotional dependence in the couple usually causes relationships to be stormy and short-lived.
Lack of selfesteem.
Another factor that very well explains the difference between love and dependency is that the dependent person will have low self-esteem, so you will neglect your own personal, affective and even work environment.
In fact, the dependent person often develops a submissive attitude in which, indirectly, it shows the couple that they do not love each other and that they need to be loved in order to be happy.
Decision making capacity disappears.
Emotional dependents have the impression that they are unable to make any decision without your partner. This belief makes them vulnerable to different situations of daily life, since they feel lost and unable to identify their own desires.
It is a kind of "devitalized state" that places them in a very fragile position, since, even if they are with their partner, they will not be able to show their real desires. Also, every time the loved one walks away, the clerk's mind will go into a kind of pause until he is reunited with her loved one.
Permanent fear that something will happen to your partner.
The continuous fear that something will happen to your partner is another of the characteristics of people who are emotionally dependent on another. It is a permanent sensation of controlling the steps of the couple, to prevent something or someone from hurting them. Although at first it sounds like something very romantic, in the long run it suffocates the couple because they feel that their property is being stolen from them. independence.
Also, the reasons for these types of fears are almost always unfounded and lead people to imagine terrible scenarios. For this reason, an endless chain of compulsive attitudes such as calls, emails, texts, among other obsessive and controlling behaviors can originate.
You idealize the other person.
With emotional dependence, the couple is idealized to the point where you don't see his flaws or recognize his mistakes. The image you have of your partner falls into the stereotype of perfection, something very dangerous because it will not let you see beyond reality.
On the contrary, in healthy and balanced relationships, each member of the couple recognizes that they have defects and virtues and supports each other to be better people every day.
There is no option to negotiate.
The person who is emotionally dependent on another will not be able to question or negotiate anything with her partner, since she feels a lot of insecurity and fear of losing him/her. For this reason, the dependent will accept all kinds of decisions and actions without imposing its own limits.
In fact, the relationship in this type of couples becomes a series of rules that must be followed to the letter to please the other person.
Constant need to receive signs of affection.
Emotional dependency generates permanent need to receive signs of affection and without them the person will feel that they are not loved or valued. For this reason, although details are essential to keep any relationship alive, when it comes to becomes an obligatory demand or requirement, it will become an obstacle to the happiness of the couple.
Permanent fear of infidelity.
Together with obsessive jealousy, appears the constant fear that your partner will leave you for someone else. In these cases, signs of infidelity are not even necessary for them to assume that their partner is being unfaithful to them, since any phone call, outing with friends, message or any other contact you have with another person will make you believe that soon will leave you
Finally, to overcome emotional dependence it is necessary improve self esteem so that you feel good about yourself and so you can love others without being emotionally dependent on them. That is, first learn to love yourself so that you can be happy in any type of relationship.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to know if it's love or dependency, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.
Bibliography
- Garriga, J. (2013). The good love in the couple. Barcelona: Destination.
- Ventura Elias, C. d. (2013). Suffering: concept analysis. Approach. Scientific Journal of Nursing., 14(9), 24-34. http://up-rid.up.ac.pa/458/
