Love is one of the most beautiful feelings that exists in this world and there are many people who want to live a romantic and deep relationship as a couple. The problem arises when one of the members of the couple manifests attachment behaviors so intense that they become pathological and negative.
Despite the fact that the stage of falling in love is usually accompanied by different emotions, the usual thing is that little by little the sensations are balanced to strengthen the relationship. If this does not happen, you may be facing a case of limerence that will cause a lot of stress and anxiety in the relationship. if you wonder how to know if i have limerence, in this Psychology-Online article you will discover all the information you need, since we will tell you what limerence is and the keys to recognize it.
Index
- What is limerence
- Presence of obsessive and intrusive thoughts throughout the day
- Excessive emotional dependency
- Compulsive need for them to feel the same way about you
- You lose your own essence
- excessive fear of rejection
- permanent obsessive focus
- Real life fades into the background
- You seek validation from your partner for everything
- excessive idealization
- Permanent compulsive behaviors
- Lack of emotional control and suicidal ideation
What is limerence.
Limerence, also known as "obsessive love" is a mental state in which the person manifests alterations or permanent obsessions by the couple with the need to be loved and reciprocated, which can trigger excessive attachment to the other person.
It is a kind of emotional excitement that involves euphoria and despair and that can be confused with falling in love or love at first sight. This term was coined in 1970 by the American psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who stated that people have fascinating emotions for the couple, especially in the first moments of marriage relationship.
On the other hand, since being captivated with someone doesn't sound so far-fetched at first and its symptoms are not so well known, limerence is often overlooked. However, there is a subtle difference between love and limerence. Next, we show you the main signs to know that you are falling into limerence and not into balanced and healthy love.
Presence of obsessive and intrusive thoughts throughout the day.
Yeah your thoughts about your partner consume you all day and even prevent you from sleeping, you may be facing one of the main symptoms of limerence. Likewise, you may also fantasize and obsessively want to be with your loved one, to the point of imagining a future together, even if you have only been in a relationship for a short time.
This differs from love, since the moments that they live do not create a true emotional connection because they are constantly in a state of anxiety that does not allow solidity in the relationship.
Excessive emotional dependence.
Another of the symptoms of limerence is that you will have a strong longing for your feelings to reciprocate with the same force that you experience it. However, remember that each reality is different and feelings cannot be forced.
When you have limerence, you experience a permanent state of anxiety, similar to what people who have any emotional dependence or addiction. You can even experience sudden mood swings, depression, anger and you are in constant secrecy because you think that at any moment they are going to abandon you.
Compulsive need for them to feel the same way about you.
If you are going through a state of limerence, you may need your partner to always express to you that he feels the same for you. Therefore, at every moment you will ask for signs or proofs of love for that person to show you their feelings.
These types of actions are counterproductive because the intense desperation to seek that the other person's feelings are reciprocated often triggers discomfort.
You lose your own essence.
Fantasy is what fills most of the time in the relationships of a person with limerence, so the essence and notion of reality is lost. In the same way, by creating such a limited vision of reality, the relationship does not deepen and becomes very vulnerable.
It is a state of permanent illusion that is based on a constructed fanciful version and that moves away from the true satisfaction of personal needs.
Excessive fear of rejection.
With limerence, physical and somatic symptoms manifest at the slightest form of rejection and the person tends to hyperventilate, feel tremors, tachycardia and permanent anxiety. These symptoms limit the strengthening of the couple, since they create an uncomfortable and negative climate between both parties.
If you want to know more about this topic you can read the article How to overcome the fear of rejection.
Permanent obsessive focus.
Do you want to know another of the traits of limerence? Permanent obsession is one of the most characteristic traits of limerence. It is common for the small details of the daily routine to become obsessed and you want to know what your partner does all the time, who they talk to and that you want to have full control of their day daily.
The jealousy they are also a trait of limerence, since you will always be thinking that your partner is going to replace you with someone else.
Real life fades into the background.
With limerence, people lose focus in their own lives and begin to fail in other areas on a personal, family, and work level. All your energy is focused on being with your partner, so they are likely to neglect their obligations.
In fact, in some cases they come to consider that real life takes time away from them to be back in the arms of the loved one and becomes an obsession that can prevent success in others aspects.
You seek validation from your partner for everything.
The limerencia leads you to the only important thing for you is the approval of your partner. In addition, there is no reciprocity in feelings, but a constant longing to feel approved / that you will hide your own personality.
On the other hand, you won't mind knowing your partner's history or emotions either, and you'll overlook them without even realizing it.
Excessive idealization.
Another of the traits of limerence is that the person Put your partner on a pedestal, which may prevent you from seeing any negative or dangerous signs of your behavior. Idealization is built from the fantasy of what you want to see and not from coherent reality. Therefore, it can be something dangerous that takes you away from reality.
Permanent compulsive behaviors.
As there is a permanent fear of abandonment, limerence leads to the development of compulsive behaviors such as messages and permanent calls, endless conversations to find out the couple's routine, among other uncomfortable and annoying.
Lack of emotional control and suicidal ideas.
This is one of the most dangerous and complicated traits of limerence, as people who suffer from it they feel that they cannot live without their loved one. This fact can cause them a deep depression and, in the worst case, suicidal ideas.
In addition, in these cases the control of emotions is very poor, which is why arguments, stress and constant compulsive attitudes arise.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How do I know if I have limerence?, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.
Bibliography
- Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., Mashek, D., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. Fisher et al 2002 Lust, Attraction and Attachment Brain Systems.
- Vincent, a. b. YO. A transgenerational journey through the couple bond.
