What if I don't want to be a mother and how to deal with criticism

Maternity is an extremely important event in the life cycle of women. For this reason, when we reach a certain age, we face a social pressure that we cannot always get rid of. In this sense, there are many myths related to motherhood, especially when we talk about new mothers. However, not all women want to be mothers.

Maternity is a complex process and from the moment of pregnancy your life will begin to change in all aspects, both physical and social, since in many situations she will stop being seen as a "woman", to be perceived as "mother". On the contrary, if you decide not to take this step, some people may make you feel incomplete and judge you for your decision. In this Psychology-Online article we will talk about what happens if I don't want to be a mother and how to deal with criticism about it.

Index

1. What if I don't want to be a mother?
2. Why I don't want to be a mother
3. How to deal with criticism for not wanting to be a mother

What if I don't want to have children? First of all, it is important to understand that nothing happens for not wanting to be a mother, since motherhood is something very complex for which not everyone is prepared. Therefore, not wanting to be a mother is an equally valid decision and legitimate to want to be.

For years, women have been forced to fulfill a role that did not always represent us and we have had to face a multitude of comments that put pressure on us, but luckily this is Changing.

However, motherhood is such a naturalized process that choosing not to be a mother, especially in a voluntary, it can become a factor of tension and social pressure that forces the woman to listen multitude of hurtful comments. All of these situations can lead her to think things about herself that never even crossed her mind before. In the following article you will find information about how to eliminate negative thoughts.

There is not always a specific reason for not wanting to be a mother, sometimes that desire or maternal instinct simply does not arise and there does not have to be other secondary reasons. In other cases, it is also possible that the professional goals and personal cannot be reconciled with maternity or the woman cannot become pregnant in a biological and do not want to expose yourself to fertilization processes, or have gone through several of these and decide not to continue.

In any case, what is clear is that not all women have to be mothers, as Simone De Beauvoir stated "anatomy is not destiny".^[1] and our value does not change by being or not being mothers.

In some cases, criticism of this decision can be highly uncomfortable and hurtful, however, there are tools to deal with this situation. Here are some tips to deal with criticism when you do not want to be a mother:

• Talk to others about itYou don't have to explain about your decision If you don't want to, however, expressing that there are other options can help others better understand your decision. Perhaps that person judges based on what he learned at the time and knows no other alternatives.
• It is not advisable to enter into ethical debates nor moral with other people. Exchanging opinions is fine as long as it is a respectful conversation, but you should know that your decision is just as valid as any other and you don't have to justify yourself all the time or try to convince others.
• Remember why you have made that decision and reinforce that idea by reminding yourself of the reasons for it. They may make you doubt, especially considering that we live surrounded by social norms, but this does not mean that in this case they must be met.
• Don't think too much about negative comments: We cannot control what others say or think about us, so it is best to try to see it as something alien to us and continue with our lives.
• As the saying goes, "what Juan says about Pedro says more about Juan than about Pedro." The critics are formed by the beliefs of each person, so remember that those are your fearsand not yours. He is probably projecting his own beliefs and opinions, and even if he is saying them to you, they really have nothing to do with you.
• Although this is a very delicate subject and can be difficult, you must understand that you do not need the recognition of others at all times. Getting out of the social norm is complicated and it is much easier if we have the support of our loved ones, however, if they are opposed to your decision they will not be of help to your welfare. In these cases, you just have to trust yourself.
• Finally, if you feel that your self-esteem is being affected by this topic, you can also consider go to a psychologist to help you better manage the situation and offer you tools to deal with cruel comments.

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What if I don't want to be a mother and how to deal with criticism, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.

• Mendoza Alarcon, M.J. (S.f). Maternity as a decision and social construction. The second sex of Simone de Beauvoir. Tlamatini. pp 19. http://humanidades.uaemex.mx/tlamatini/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2019/12/TLAMATINI_10_A.pdf