The fact that parents differentiate between their adult children is often more common than many parents and siblings would like to accept. This situation has clear explanations, as always, based on the personality that the parents have built throughout their lives. lives, mainly based on their childhood experiences fed, in one way or another, by the rest of the vital events that occurred in their life.
In the following Psychology-Online article we will explain why some parents differentiate between their adult children and how it affects being the least loved child. In addition, we will also show you a series of tips so that adults who have gone through this situation can cope with it in the best possible way.
Index
- Why are there parents who differentiate between their adult children?
- How favoritism affects adult children
- What to do when a father makes differences with his children
Why there are parents who make differences between their adult children.
These differences do not usually occur suddenly in the stage of adulthood, but rather it is something that parents unconsciously develop from the earliest childhood of their children. The reasons can be very varied, including the physical and/or gender preference, a more pleasant parenting and with fewer complications, the parents' personal situation during crucial moments in family life and parenting, personal expectations of the parents or the children's character, built as a result of his own childhood experiences.
The beginning of this favoritism of the parents towards some of their children occurs in the interaction between the personality "semi-consolidated" of the parents (which never stops being built and modulated throughout our lives) and the personality "in construction" of their children.
Other aspects that favor a good relationship between parents and children include the most pleasant experiences with their children or, conversely, complicated but successfully overcome, the parents' own personal construction (with their shortcomings, expectations and unsatisfied demands), a greater connection or facilitating behavior (conditioned to a large extent by their own primary life experiences), etc.
How favoritism affects adult children.
Favoritism between children is something that in many cases is carried out unconsciously, which is why it is hardly recognized by parents. However, the consequences on the adult children affected by this situation can considerably hurt their physical and mental well-being. In this sense, may internalize mistaken beliefs about themselves as, for example, "I'm not worth it", "nobody will ever love me", "I don't do anything well", etc.
These beliefs can negatively condition their lives and fuel the little attention received from their parents, as determined by the "self-fulfilling prophecy". These boys and girls feel that their parents do not love them and, internally, something inside them breaks and separates them from them, that causes them not to approach them as they really need to or as they would naturally if they had not given this situation. When their parents approach them they will respond with bad behaviors due to the accumulated resentment.
Another aspect that tends to be harmed is the relationship with siblings. These "favoritisms" generate jealousy, envy and rivalries that continually damage the natural interaction between siblings. Likewise, the psychological-emotional results in the medium and long term on people affected by this type of situation are not usually very encouraging. In this article you will find more information about Jealousy between siblings: symptoms and how to treat them.
What to do when a father makes differences with his children.
In these cases, the awareness and the social intention to modify it It can mean a considerable improvement on a personal and social level in the functioning of families and, therefore, of society in general. That is, the people affected by this upbringing must become aware of this reality in order to begin to forgive their parents, who in many cases are also victims of their own upbringing and the social system, and work in the rebuilding a more positive self-image consistent with your reality.
to strengthen us and heal the wounds of the past, it is important to be clear that the vast majority of people with siblings have gone through this type of situation that can lead to rivalry and jealousy. Therefore, the failure is not found so much in the fact that the parents have carried out a bad upbringing with one of their children, but in a society that does not prioritize child care, as well as adequate family and community upbringing.
The difficulties that parenting itself poses for most families, as well as the difficulties for conciliation family, work and social life or the increasingly dehumanized ways of life that are promoted, for example, give rise to great deprivations for children that can cause the development of "wounded" adults who, again, will start family lives and upbringings accompanied by great difficulties.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why there are parents who make differences between their adult children and what to do, we recommend that you enter our category of Family problems.
Bibliography
- Gutmann, L. (2021). "The Power of Maternal Speech". Editorial Urano.
