We can say that conflicts are part of our life since not everyone thinks the same way. Individual differences often produce disagreements and, on many occasions, we can learn something good from them. These issues are not always handled in the best way and can lead to larger arguments. Therefore, learning to manage conflicts is a fundamental piece to maintain good interpersonal relationships and promote our mental health.
Although it is true that there are several types of communication, assertiveness is a characteristic essential for any good communication style that aims to solve problems and avoid discussions. In this Psychology-Online article we will give you the keys to know how to resolve a conflict assertively.
Index
- What is assertiveness?
- Examples of assertive communication
- Social skills to resolve conflicts
- 5 steps to assertively resolving a conflict
What is assertiveness?
As we have commented previously, there are three types of action in the face of a conflict: aggressiveness, passivity and assertiveness.
Aggressive communication implies poor management of emotions and a constant attack on the interlocutor. On the other hand, passive communication is characterized by not expressing our needs and allowing attacks on our own dignity. Finally, we can define assertiveness as the ability to express our emotions and ideas freely, but without offending or attacking anyone.
Assertive communication is based on empathy, understanding how the interlocutor feels and respecting her opinions. It is also important to respect ourselves and learn to communicate our needs without fear. Assertive behaviors are very effective on a day-to-day basis, since they are the best way to handle conflicts in all spheres of our life, whether in the couple, at work, in the family...
This concept of psychology is also related to the emotional intelligence and with good self-esteem. An assertive person usually possesses a high emotional intelligenceIn other words, they are capable of managing their feelings, correctly identifying them and understanding the emotional states of others. Similarly, knowing how to assertively resolve a conflict and therefore being assertive implies having a remarkably high self-esteem, this is because, in order to communicate our opinions, we must be clear about the value of these.
Examples of assertive communication.
To better understand how good dialogue develops, and to learn to be assertive, it is better to give an example.
Let's put a situation where we are waiting in line to get into a concert and someone gets ahead of us in line, we will feel angry, disgusted, and perhaps frustrated. Our communicative objective it will be to tell that person to get in line, to wait and to respect the order of the line like other people.
Aggressive response
- "Can't you see I was here before?! Go where you came from and don't bother anymore. You are rude and you do not deserve to enter that concert "
Passive response
- "Hey... I... I was here before... well, it's okay"
Assertive response
- "Listen, I understand you're in a hurry to get in, I love this music group too. However, I've been waiting a long time and I think I deserve to go in before you. If you don't mind, you should take your place in line "
As we can see, the best way to talk to a person and avoid a major conflict is through assertive communication. In this way, we do not give rise to a negative response from the interlocutor and we can get them to understand our position.
Social skills to resolve conflicts.
A previous step to correctly develop an assertive dialogue is train our social skills. These are defined as the set of strategies and skills that we have to interact and relate to others in a satisfactory way.
The social skills training is based on learning to listen to others, exercising our ability to negotiate and resolve conflicts, anticipate the different problem situations and practice the best way to manage the conflict. Thanks to this training, we will be able to improve our abilities to be sincere and direct, expressing everything we want to say but without underestimating the emotions of others.
Another concept to train to achieve good communication is the empathic assertiveness. Conflict resolution can be much easier for us if we learn to communicate understanding what the other person feels. If we can put ourselves in their shoes, we can probably understand the root of their disagreement with our ideas, this will help us resolve any disagreements we have and as a guideline to prevent conflicts futures.
5 steps to assertively resolve a conflict.
After the practical examples and the presentation of the most effective trainings to manage a disagreement situation, we present, step by step, how to resolve a conflict assertively.
1- Identify the way we communicate
In the first place, it is very important to focus on our behaviors and ask ourselves "¿CHow do I act in conflict? "" Am I passive or aggressive?". Now that we have learned the different types of communication, we can guide our style towards assertiveness, looking at our response styles to something that causes us dislike.
2- Understand the other person
When someone approaches us seeking conflict, indicating her displeasure with our behaviors or, For example, some type of alien behavior does not seem right to us, we must understand the why of everything it.
If someone does or says something, it is always for a reason. In the same way that all our actions or thoughts have a background motivation, the actions of others have it too. As we have commented previously, assertiveness has a very important component of empathy that we must learn to apply in our communicative dialogue.
3- Speak with pauses and listen to everything the other has to say
Once we understand the reason for their actions or emotions, we must listen to the other person. This carries an important dose of patience, since the other, perhaps, does not communicate in the way we would like and this can be offensive and toxic. If he sees that we are listening to him, he will be less defensive and, perhaps, we can reach an agreement.
4- Propose an alternative that is beneficial for all
After listening to their arguments, it is time to reach a common ground. To do this, tap express our opinions in the best possible way, stating our arguments correctly, calmly but firmly. With proper dialogue, the conflict can be resolved peacefully and through good agreement.
5- Identify your reaction and answer correctly
Avoid responding in an aggressive or passive manner, keep your arguments, and continue to use assertive communication. It is possible that this person gives us a feeling of nervousness or discomfort. That is why we must learn to manage all the emotions that may arise during the conflict. It is important to answer correctly and not to lose the papers.
If, on the contrary, we identify an answer that affirms our arguments, or we reach a common point, we will have reached the end of the conflict. Learning from these situations will make us wiser and develop our emotional intelligence. Applying everything learned during past discussions will be beneficial to avoid making communicative mistakes again and to resolve, each day better, the conflicts that life poses.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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