Techniques to develop the capacity for assertiveness

Olga Castanyer Mayer-Spiess in her book "Assertiveness, expression of healthy self-esteem" mentions 3 techniques to develop the capacity for assertiveness. These are anxiety reduction, some discussion techniques, and cognitive restructuring.

In the following Psychology-Online article we will explain the techniques to develop the capacity for assertiveness In your day to day.

Olga Castanyer Mayer-Spiess in her book "Assertiveness, expression of healthy self-esteem" mentions 3 techniques:

Anxiety reduction techniques

To reduce anxiety physically, there are two techniques that are complementary to each other: relaxation and breathing. Within relaxation we find two types: Jacobson's Progressive (muscular) Relaxation and Schultz's Autogenic Training.

Assertiveness techniques for discussions

• Broken record technique: it is about repeating the same argument over and over again, patiently and calmly without getting into arguments.
• Fog bank: the other person is right, but avoiding getting into further discussions. It is said in a calm and convincing tone of voice, conveying to the other person that he is partly right in what he says.
• Assertive postponement: the discussion is postponed for another time where the situation is more controlled.
• Relativize the importance of what is discussed: it is about showing that sometimes it is more important not to enter into discussion and to understand that it leads nowhere. For example, interrupt a discussion with a comment such as "Perhaps this discussion is not as important as we are giving it."
• Ignore technique: the discussion is not followed to the other but through verbal and non-verbal language it is transmitted that it is not a disregard to ignore the topic of discussion.
• Technique of differentiating a behavior from a way of being: the other is made to see that even if one may have made a mistake, that does not imply that he is a bad person. For example, "Even though I'm late today, that doesn't mean I'm late."
• Assertive question technique: it starts from the idea that the criticism of the other is well intentioned (even if it is not). He is asked a question to clarify what we have done wrong and how we can do it right. For example: "How do you want it to change so that this does not happen again".

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic method of intervention in order to ensure the client sufficient resources to make their life easier in the face of problems or conflicts that arise daily.

In cognitive restructuring the therapist uses different methods to change these negative thoughts making the client aware of the type of cognitions or language used that he is using so that he can modify them.

With this method the client is taught how to identify these irrational beliefs (such as "Certain kinds of people is vile, evil and infamous and that they should be seriously blamed and punished for their wickedness "or" It is easier to avoid than to face certain responsibilities and difficulties in life ") so that they are finally able to do it themselves and thus improve their quality of life. The ultimate purpose of therapy is to give the subject the necessary tools to defend himself against the inclemency of life in a healthy way.

Doctor Joaquín Pérez Férriz in his book "Communication and Personal Development Course" mentions "tips" on how to make requests and how to deal with a hostile person:

How to make requests

• When you ask for something, don't do it “in exchange” for something else (that is, don't accept or engage in moral or emotional blackmail).
• Do not justify yourself or humiliate yourself in front of the other, but do not coerce him or make him emotional blackmail.
• Consider that you deserve what you ask for.
• Always be calm and self-controlled.
• Express yourself clearly, bluntly.
• If you receive a refusal, say that you understand the other's reasons. If you think it is necessary and convenient, try again in the same terms.

Before a hostile interlocutor

• Do not be reactive, that is, do not get overheated or play along in upset conversations. Remain serene.
• Do not accept to play the game of negative or malicious conversations.
• Do not counter-argue or be contrary. The malicious conversations do not seek to reach mutual agreements, but rather they seek to manipulate and destabilize.
• If you are openly criticized, you can use two tactics, as the situation requires: Ask the other person to specifically criticize your actions, not yourself. Admit criticism in a calm and carefree way. That is to say, just admit that said criticism "may be" true, which also implies that it "may not be" true, so we do not give in and remain calm.
• Don't take negatives, blame, or criticism personally. You will avoid useless resentments.
• In the face of an aggressive or angry interlocutor, lead them discreetly but firmly to focus on "the facts", on what really happened, not on the people.
• Propose to find solutions around the facts, not the people. The facts can be changed, the people that are more difficult to change, and we are not the one to change anyone.
• Always save the dignity of the other, you will avoid his resentment and his revenge.

Ternary Formulation: Sequence to apply assertive behavior

Assertiveness is generally applied in three distinct steps:

• Focus on exposing the facts and data. In this phase, do not expose feelings, opinions or reasoning of any kind.
• Clearly state what you want. Clarify all your reasons, your personal motives and your feelings.
• Say clearly and bluntly what you expect the other to do.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Techniques to develop the capacity for assertiveness, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.