How to accept criticism

Have you ever been told that you are too late, or that you react too nervously to stressful situations? How did you feel about receiving these criticisms? Many people find it difficult to accept these comments they receive because they feel attacked or undervalued, but criticism (as long as it is constructive) can help us improve as a person. In this PsychologyOnline article, we give you some tips to know how to accept criticism from others, we want to explain which criticisms you should accept and which ones to ignore. We also tell you how to take advantage of the criticism received to become the person you want to be.

Index

1. Why are many people who do not accept criticism?
2. Do I have to accept all the criticism I receive?
3. Tips for accepting criticism from others

There are many people who feel nervous, disappointed or angry when a close person tells them what they do not like about them. Patricia Benito Castro, clinical psychologist at Help Psychology and a specialist in cognitive-behavioral therapy, explains why this difficulty in accepting criticism is due.

“Accepting and giving criticism or praise is a social skill that not all people have. If we have difficulty accepting criticism it is because we feel some kind of insecurity that hurts us when we listen to the criticism ”, Benito recalls.

"If we are sure of ourselves there is no reason to offend us, and if we feel that the criticism is not fair we can assertively defend ourselves," he says. When we feel that a critic affects us a lot, we should ask ourselves what is our reaction and what really bothers us about the comment that we have received, then, as Benito indicates, our reaction could also be due to the person who criticized us or to the moment in which we received the review.

The key is in pay attention to criticism what could we make better people, and ignore negative comments about our traits, abilities or attitudes that do not bother us or that we do not consider negative. The key is, therefore, in identify constructive criticism and only pay attention to these types of comments.

“Many times the criticism is not posed in an assertive way but comes from the rage or anger of the other person. That is why the first thing is to ask the person to generate criticism from respect and to specify without generalizing attributes to the other person ”, Benito reminds us. To help us differentiate unnecessary criticism from constructive criticism, the clinical psychologist compares the generalization "you are always late" with the constructive comment "many times you are late and that makes me feel bad".

Benito reminds us of the importance of criticizing with respect, and of learn to accept respectful criticism.

The psychologist also points out that the criticisms made by people who do not give us are not so constructive. really know, or who are not very important people to us like our family and friends intimate. Criticisms that do not meet these requirements “surely come from a specific fact and tend to generalize my person. If we care about the person, we should listen to them because usually there is always some truth. Perhaps we are often not aware of our actions and it is okay for them to inform us sometimes ”.

We have explained why the difficulty that many of us have in assimilating the negative comments that we receive, and we have compared constructive criticism to criticism that we don't have to pay attention to because we don't they will help. Now is the time to find out how to improve our ability to react positively when someone tells us that we should try harder at work, or we should leave home early to be on time for our appointments.

• Stay calm. Benito recommends that we "maintain a neutral tone of voice when faced with criticism", and reminds us that "the lack of emotions when faced with criticism that we do not care about is also acceptable." Instead of being upset and highly affected by the criticism, we should reflect on the comment.
• Listen to the person who criticizes us. We all like to hear what our loved ones like about us, and it costs us a lot more to hear what they don't like, but these comments can help us become better people. "The best thing is to listen to the person, understand their frustration, ask for information and specify," Benito recommends. Only if we listen to the person who criticizes us can we learn from his criticism.
• Choose between two variables. The two variables we have are, according to Benito, accept the reality part or not accept it. In the second case we can express our disagreement.
• Avoid less positive reactions. The psychologist tells us that reacting aggressively to a negative comment about us, and reacting with too much passivity and indifference, are two examples of reactions that will not help us. "If we really care about criticism and the person, and we shut up out of fear or shame, it would be as bad as shouting, insulting or countering with another criticism," he reflects.
• Find out why it is difficult for us to accept criticism. If too often we feel hurt or aggressive when they tell us what we do not like to hear, we may not have enough self-confidence. In these cases, it is important to value everything we like about ourselves and discover everything we would like to change about ourselves.
• Change our concept of criticism. If we love being told what they like about us, but instead get angry when they identify our flaws, it will help us a lot to change how we think about constructive criticism. We all have flaws, and we can all improve in many ways. Criticism can give us that little push we need to become the best version of ourselves.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to accept criticism, we recommend that you enter our category of Social psychology.