My PARENTS DO NOT LET ME do anything, why and what to do?

The education we receive from our parents, during childhood and adolescence, is essential to define our behaviors and our character. They also influence external factors such as the political, social, economic situation and the values ​​of each family, among others. Our parents also received their parents' education (in addition to the factors mentioned) and that is why they are governed by a specific and different educational model in each family. Sometimes, we find parents with a very rigid and authoritarian educational style, which makes it difficult for their children to make their own decisions and discover the world for themselves. As these situations and ways of educating usually occur, in this Psychology-Online article we will talk about why and what to do if your parents won't let you do anything.

Index

1. Why don't my parents let me do anything?
2. Characteristics of authoritarian parents
3. Consequences for the children of authoritarian parents
4. What to do if my parents don't let me study what I want?
5. What to do if my parents won't let me go out?
6. What to do if my parents won't let me have a partner?

The prohibition and / or limits imposed may be the result of various factors, discussed above (the education received, the social and political context, beliefs ...). If we focus on the emotions that can lead parents to have these behaviors with their children, we can mention fear, panic, mistrust, insecurity, overprotection, caring, attachment, denial, among many others.

To understand why your parents do not let you do anything, it is important to know differentiate what emotions they are feeling in the face of this situation since each one will be addressed in a totally different. It is very important that, once you have discovered the origin of why your parents react in this way, you are able to give them all the confidence possible so that they can feel more comfortable, calm and safe when you are not with them and they do not have you close. Trust, in these cases, is a vital tool to bring about some change.

There are different types and styles of education that parents can exercise on their children, one of them is the authoritarian style which, below we will detail its main characteristics:

• Poor communication: these are parents who can hardly or want to communicate with their children, it may happen that the parents do not know how to speak or adapt to the age of their children to have a good conversation, in addition, active listening does not tend to give yourself. They are usually inflexible, with very rigid norms and values.
• Little affection: they can be fathers and mothers who do not know or do not want to show affection towards their children, nor do they usually show empathy towards them. By not feeling loved or supported by their parents, their self-esteem can be affected and it can trigger, in the future, different problems and emotional disorders.
• Much control: They tend to exert a lot of control over their sons and daughters and a lot of pressure in many things they do, for example, with their studies.
• Verbal violence: as they may have poor social, empathy and emotional management skills, they often resort to verbal and / or physical violence through punishments due to the lack of emotional and communication tools.

The consequences of parents being authoritarian with their children depend on each specific situation and on what degree of authority their education is governed. When parents are authoritarian with their children, it implies that they do not feel so much freedom when making decisions, to fend for themselves and / or to face new situations, among others.

Children need to explore and know for themselves the different experiences of life and learn as well as manage their actions and emotions. When parents are the main impediment for this to happen, they can trigger different problems or conflicts in the children, such as the following:

• Low selfsteem and little confidence and self-assurance.
• Violent behavior, aggressive or disruptive.
• Few skills social and communicative.
• Knowledge, control and poor emotional management.
• Transmission of this educational style with their future children and / or partners.

It is true that parents have more experience and knowledge compared to their children. Many times we find ourselves in the position that our parents do not agree with the studies we want to carry out or directly prohibit us from carrying them out.

1. Before maintaining the conversation with your parents, you should really ask yourself what you want to study, what will benefit you in the future (either in the short or long term), how you intend to do it and what you are willing to do (if they are studies that your parents cannot cover financially, you should propose alternatives, etc.). It is important that you take charge of your life and be the one who has the clear ideas about this theme.
2. Faced with this situation, the most fundamental step is sincere communication with them. We are all free to decide what we would like to study and / or learn more deeply, whether we are going to dedicate ourselves to it or not. On the other hand, there are people who since childhood are clear about their tastes and objectives and others who need a little more time.
3. It is important to have a conversation with them to understand the reason for your ban or denial.

In this article we explain how to act when you feel that your parents don't understand you.

As we have commented previously, the main thing in these situations is to maintain a sincere conversation and empathize with them since, it will be beneficial for both / as. For this, it is interesting that you can listen to their arguments in the face of their prohibition and conflict, just as they / they must listen to you. Many times, we hide behind prohibitions, discussions, problems, conflicts and / or misunderstandings, instead of speaking things with total sincerity and respect in order to reach an agreement.

• For example. If the feeling that your parents have when you go out is fear that something might happen to you or that you are in constant danger, you can reach an agreement that you can notify them more often and / or tell them or introduce them to some of the people around you, giving them alternatives and options so that they can stay more calm.

Sometimes, when rules are imposed on you that you do not understand or do not share, the feeling of helplessness, anger or fear, among others, resurfaces. What this feeling causes are unpleasant behaviors for oneself and for others since most of your actions will be governed by those emotions and will not be positive. On many occasions, the fact of prohibiting a situation or action of another person, which causes, in addition to increase the desire to do it, is the fact of doing it reluctantly, doing it secretly, doing it with bad intentions, etc. That is why it is more beneficial to talk about things, discuss them and look for alternatives to all those emotions that we feel that cause us discomfort on both sides. In the following article you will find tips for improve the relationship with your parents.

Parents are an essential figure and from whom we can enrich ourselves and learn a lot. This does not mean that we should always act in favor of his opinions, values ​​and / or beliefs. It is important to forge good communication between the two of you and to create your own opinions, beliefs and values. The fact of having a partner, especially in childhood and / or adolescence, is often a fact that is not entirely accepted and that creates insecurities in parents. Wanting to share experiences and experiences with another person should not be a reason for conflict.

• To have a healthy conversation with your parents you should communicate what you feel, both with the other person and when they prohibit you from not being able to be with him / her. In the following article we explain how you can tell the family that you have a partner.
• You may to ask if what you feel is fear, insecurity, attachment, distrust, invalidation of your relationship, intolerance towards your partner, among others ...
• If your parents show distrust towards your partner (for no apparent reason) or distrust yourself / or being with him / her, you can specify when they feel more distrust or what are they based on to distrust of him / her ...
• It is important that both parties are able to treat the subject with total sincerity and respect.
• If communication with your parents becomes very complex or directly non-existent on their part, we recommend that you You go to a therapist or psychologist /a so that I can help you and deepen better in your personal and family situation.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My parents won't let me do anything, why and what to do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Family problems.

• Campano, A. and Ubach, A. (2013). Parenting styles, positive parenting and parenting training. Psychological Sciences, (7)1,83-95.