Strangely enough, there are cases in which a mother is not able to give the love that her son or daughter needs. This lack of affection translates into children with attachment problems and poor mental stability. When we are little, we are not able to distinguish exactly this problem, but over the years we can come to feel that our mother does not love us.
It can be very hard to realize that our own mother does not feel as much affection as we would like. Sometimes it is just a subjective feeling after a fight or a distance, however, it can turn out to be a reality that we will have to face in the best possible way. If in your head you cannot get rid of the thought "I feel like my mother doesn't love me: what do I do?"We invite you to read the following Psychology-Online article.
Index
- Why do I feel like my mother doesn't love me?
- How to know if your mother does not love you
- Toxic parent syndrome
- What to do if my mother does not love me
Why do I feel like my mother doesn't love me?
As we have discussed previously, we may feel that our mother does not love us because we have argued with her or we have distanced ourselves from her for other reasons. Maybe we have recently become independent and our mother is trying overcome empty nest syndrome and, for that reason, she does not contact us as much.
It is also normal to feel that your mother does not love you when she is a teenager. At that time of our lives many frictions arise between the family and it is difficult to maintain a relationship free of arguments. When we are teenagersWe tend to feel misunderstood by our families and that is why we can come to think that they do not love us.
However, do not completely rule out the possibility that the feeling "my mother does not love me" is not entirely a lie. Is perception of detachment it can produce in us a feeling of dissatisfaction, low self-esteem and a strong emotional emptiness. There are mothers who have not really developed a narrow attachment bond with their sons or daughters and they notice it, there are mothers with toxic, manipulative behaviors, competitive mothers ...
In order to leave behind the pain of thinking that your mother does not love you, we must assume that there are such behaviors in certain family figures. Denying it only blocks our emotions and is counterproductive in the long run. Once we have accepted that our mother does not love us as we wish, we will be able to develop our own strengths and will be able, over time, to move forward.
How to know if your mother does not love you.
In order to know if the thoughts we have are only sensations or if our mother really does not love us, we must learn to identify a toxic mother. Although they can act in several ways, they usually have several of the following characteristics:
- Review everything you do or say
- Judges your opinions and does not give them the value they deserve
- She is seldom happy with your company and it is unpleasant
- You feel that she is continually competing with you, trying to show more achievements in her life or more happiness from her.
- Try manipulate you so that you feel bad about everything you do in your life
- She openly tells you that she doesn't love you
- Compare your physique and always try to show yourself better in that regard
- Criticize your lifestyle and your partner
- You try to put yourself in a victim position and blames you of all evils
The toxic parent syndrome.
In the event that, indeed, our mother does not feel affection for us, it is possible that we are facing a case of toxic parent syndrome. These cases are characterized by being mothers with little or no interest in exercising their maternal role. It is possible that this syndrome develops in women who did not really want to be mothers but, for no reason, were unable to terminate the pregnancy.
It is true that for many people, being a mother is a gift and something that we must be eternally grateful for. However, motherhood carries great social pressures and expectations that some women cannot reach. The social role of the mother is a huge pigeonhole and can cause a very important wear and tear on the affective bond between the children and the mother.
Consequences of toxic parent syndrome
As we can predict, the consequences of a toxic mother-child bond can be extremely unpleasant. For sons and daughters, it involves a feeling of detachment that they possibly carry for the rest of their lives. They may not easily get rid of the thought of "I feel that my mother does not love me"And this idea can lead to enormous insecurities when entering into new personal relationships. In addition, these children often grow up with self esteem issues and even with indirect self-destructive behaviors and personality disorders.
As to the toxic mother, this is in a confusing situation. On the one hand, she does not feel interested in providing care and affection to her sons or daughters and prefers to organize her life around herself. On the other hand, she may feel that her environment greatly rejects her lifestyle and, as a consequence, she feels forced to take care of her little ones in some way.
What to do if my mother doesn't love me.
Once we have realized that our mother does not love us, it is time to Act accordingly. It is easy to say but we understand that it is a complicated process. For this process of improvement, a lot of willpower and thoughts are needed that constantly feed our self-esteem. We must be strong in the face of adversity and accept that on the path of life, our mother is not going to accompany us, at least in the way we would like.
Here are some simple steps based on psychological therapy to know what to do if you feel that your mother does not love you:
- Assume detachment: As we have commented in previous sections, not accepting reality completely blocks the management of this conflict. Assuming that the affective bond is practically null is a step that we will have to do to seal the wound.
- Avoid conflicts: Once we are able to maintain a cordial distance with our mother, she may seek the same discussion dynamics that you had before. In that case, we will have to learn to resolve a conflict assertively.
- Make a life independent of it: If we continue to live on the same roof, we will have to start developing spaces and moments of individuality where our mother does not intervene, forming a correct independence can help to raise our self-esteem and the capacities of resilience. If we already live alone or alone, this step is much easier since we only have to avoid excessive contact with her.
- Don't blame her: Guilt is a feeling that only carries a burden and with the burden we cannot do anything. For this reason, and although it hurts us a lot, we must try not to judge their feelings. We do not know exactly what has happened so that he is not able to develop a bond of affection towards us.
Living feeling that your mother does not love you is not an easy task, that is why we recommend continuing this process of overcoming slowly and without haste, following each step and each advice at the pace that we need. It can take a long time until we are really able to move forward regardless of what our mother figure should be. However, we must not get frustrated with this path, everything will come, even mental stability after this bump.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I feel like my mother doesn't love me: what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Family problems.
