You have found the person you want to be with, you are in love and there is nothing more beautiful than sharing your love with the people you love the most. Thus, it is time to present it to your family, but, before even going through the portal, you have that feeling that does not augur good things. It turns out that your parents, far from being delighted with her, do not accept your partner. Tension. And now what do I do? Should you choose between your partner and your family? If you find yourself in the situation that your parents do not accept your boyfriend, or your girlfriend does not get along with your family, and you do not know what to do, keep reading this article from Psychology-Online: My parents do not accept my partner, what do I do?, where you will find some tips to face this scenario.
Sometimes parents do not look favorably on the couples that their daughters or sons have chosen for them. The hegemonic response is usually that "they only want the best for themselves" or "they only think of their good." The truth is that behind these good intentions there can be hidden reasons (of which many times they are not even aware) that have nothing to do with it. In addition, they can lead to situations that
It is normal that to some extent parents find it difficult to accept that their little ones are getting older and let them make their own decisions. But this is no reason to be intolerant of your partner. Therefore, the first thing is to examine the bond between parents and daughters and assess the limits that exist. In some relationships, parents may not be fully aware that their descendants are people independent of them, with their own lives.
If boundaries are unclear or inappropriate, parents may have a hard time discerning how far they can intrude on your life or even respect your own decisions, and then you run into the situation about what your parents do not accept your husband or your wife. This does not mean that your parents cannot have their own opinion, since in every healthy relationship there must be a space for dissidence, but they must understand that each one is responsible for choosing what they consider best for themselves and approach the subject in an adult way, without emotional blackmail and being aware that they cannot impose their will.
What to do when your family does not love your partner? It is important to speak with them directly about the issue to identify the reason why your parents do not accept your partner.
They may not like it because they think it does not do you good, they are afraid that he is manipulating or taking advantage of you or they are even concerned about your safety. In this case, it is important to listen to them and reflect on their response, since they can realize things that are more difficult to see from within the relationship.
My parents do not accept my boyfriend for being older
Within the prejudices is a somewhat ambiguous and tricky issue: age. Maybe your parents do not accept your boyfriend for being older. In this case, it must be taken into account that in certain stages of life, especially in adolescence and youth, the age difference between members of a couple, if it is very high, apart from the fact that it may constitute a crime if one is still a minor, it can lead to the development of an unequal relationship, since the situation or conditions and the age of the older person can influence the younger person by clouding her decision-making capacity and manipulating her more easily. In these situations it is very important to identify if the reason why your parents do not tolerate your partner is any of the above or is simply because it is frowned upon.
My parents don't accept my relationship
The other great reason is usually ideological, and ranges from "I just don't like him" to antagonistic political extremes, going through "what will they say" and all kinds of prejudices, such as don't accept your girlfriend because she has a son, because it is from another culture, because it is of the same sex, etc.
In any case, when the motive is ideological, you can attack the problem directly, going to the root, establishing a dialogue as calm as possible in which you present an analysis of the limits of your relationship, how far they can intrude on your life and clarifying that the problem is not your partner but their prejudices. For this part it is advisable to go to a specialist or family therapy. The problem can also be approached in a more indirect way, by following some of the advice in the next section.
What to do when your parents don't love your partner? It is normal that you wonder what to do if your parents do not accept your partner. You should know that your parents' thoughts do not depend on you and that your family will not change their opinion of your partner from one day to the next. However, there are several things you can do to influence the change in perspective:
- Speak well of her. Tell them why you like it, what qualities it has, explain situations you have experienced that highlight its good things, etc. This way they will be able to see a positive part and not focus so much on prejudices.
- Ask them for an effort. After all, who they don't like is the person who is with you, with whom you are happy and with whom you are going to spend a lot of time. Asking for a little effort so that they really know her and improving the family atmosphere is not asking for the moon either.
- Put them together. One of the ways to eliminate prejudices is by living with what arouses them, therefore, do Plans with your partner and parents to get to know each other better will also help them see the good things that has.
- Don't hide anything from them. If you know that your parents do not like you to go out with your partner, do not lie to them saying that you have been or that you have been with someone else so that they do not feel bad or avoid arguments. They should know it so they can manage their frustration and get used to the situation.
- Get excited. Talk to them calmly and explain how they make you feel about this topic. Make it clear that you respect their opinion but that they have no right to impose it. In the end the decision is yours and you also have to learn to respect it.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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