Generally, the experience of motherhood is described in the idealized perspective of all the beautiful details that accompany this experience. However, when a person lives this experience of being a mother as the protagonist, they discover this new role in an integral way.
Namely, not only in the perspective of unconditional love, illusions and hopes, but also, on the side of worries, difficulties and resignations. When with the perspective of time a person takes stock of this decision in the general context of her life, you might come to the conclusion that if you went back, you might not take the same decision. “I regret being a mother: what do I do?"If you ask yourself this question, in this article we reflect on this question.
In this article we give you three suggestions for repentant mothers:
1. Emotional expression
exist feelings that are censored and repressed on an emotional level when the person judges her emotions as negative. In the specific case of motherhood, the social factor of the opinion of others is added. However, it is very important that you give yourself permission to express your emotions and thoughts without judging them as negative. You can talk to a friend you trust or you can also use
2. Put this experience in context
It is human that those who are in a relationship wonder at some point what would your life be like in solitude. The same is true in the reverse situation. In the same way, many parents also wonder at some point what their life would have been like without having children. It is natural to reflect on the biography from the present perspective.
The people that they feel they regret having children, they love their children unconditionally. However, they also feel the level of resignation, dedication, commitment and responsibility of this decision. Just as a person who preferred not to have children may regret this choice at a certain point in life, this change of opinion may also occur in the opposite situation.
3. Social stereotypes about happiness
Although there is no single way to achieve personal happiness, there are still beliefs that link the search for joy with certain stereotypes in the life project. Many romantic movies show those steps of infatuation, wedding and family. From the perspective of age, when a person observes her past, she assesses different possible scenarios and analyzes yesterday from the present.
These social stereotypes around motherhood they can generate high expectations that are later not aligned with reality.
4. Think of you
Being a mother is a challenge that we must raise from the psychological and emotional perspective. The role of motherhood is demanding, however, that does not mean that it invades all your space. Nurture your own personal space through personal development goals that excite you.
At a time as significant as the birth of a baby, the only possible emotional response is not that of joy. Which are the symptoms of postpartum depression?
- Accumulated tiredness. Without time to adapt to change, you live a turning point in your lifestyle. The baby demands your constant attention and your own needs take a back seat.
- Feeling unhappy. Sadness describes the usual state of mind in which the days pass.
- Continual concern. A concern that leads to a negative anticipation of reality in relation to the feeling of inability to resolve possible unforeseen events in the routine.
- You miss the past, you compare now with yesterday. Motherhood can give you mixed feelings and your current situation is not aligned with the images of joy that you had previously visualized in your mind. You feel like you were happier before than you are now.
- Tears and habitual crying. Sadness can not only manifest itself through words, but also through body language.
- Changes in the appetite and in sleep.
- Emotional difficulties in the bond with the baby.
Given the usual sadness in this period, it is positive to listen to the symptoms and ask for psychological help.
Next, we show a selection of readings that may interest you to delve into this topic from a perspective away from clichés:
- “We who wanted it all”, Written by Sonsoles Ónega. A work that reflects, among other topics, on the difficulties of conciliation.
- “Repentant Mothers: A Radical Look at Motherhood and Its Social Fallacies”, Written by Orna Donath.
- "Mother there is more than one", a work by Samanta Villar. A book that moves away from the common topics around motherhood.
- "Subersive maternity wards". Written by Maria Llopis, it analyzes motherhood in the 21st century with a critical and political eye.
- “Things that no one told you before having children”Written by Cecilia Jan who tells in a humorous tone all those details of motherhood that are not always told.
What other books would you like to recommend to through a comment?
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
