Do you have the feeling that your partner only looks at the negative? Being around a person who constantly criticizes you can be emotionally draining. If it gives you the feeling that for your partner you do everything wrong and you do not receive any support, if he corrects you all the time and blames you for everything, it is normal for you to ask yourself: Why does my partner only see the bad in me and what can I do about his attitude?
In this Psychology-Online article we want to talk to you about some of the reasons why it seems that your partner only sees your defects and what to do if that is your situation.
We are not perfect and we make mistakes, so it is normal that sometimes our partner can make us some criticism. Receiving some criticism from your partner does not have to be negative as long as they communicate it to you assertively and they are specific situations. However, if criticism is constant can be very damaging for the relationship.
Criticism from someone you love and who is supposed to love you can generate enormous insecurity. Also, it is difficult to be affectionate with someone who is constantly telling you what you are doing wrong so the situation becomes tense and unpleasant.
When this situation lasts for a long time and does not disappear despite having tried to solve it through dialogue, the person criticized can respond in 3 ways:
- Avoidance: the most common response when we do not like something is to avoid it. The problem with this behavior is that avoidance prevents us from solving the problems therefore they remain and generally get worse.
- Confrontation: The frustration of being criticized constantly causes anger to appear. Either showing anger or returning criticism.
- Learned helplessness: the victim of criticism "learns" that whatever he does, the result is the same. Therefore, please stop trying to fix the problem and allow it to continue. Learned helplessness is tremendously harmful.
A criticism at a specific moment, especially if it is said with respect and with the intention of helping, can be beneficial. It can make us feel bad because nobody likes to be told what they are doing wrong, but it can help us improve.
But constant criticism is not good and it does not make us feel good no matter how good the intention is. People who constantly criticize may do so for one of the following reasons:
- Unsafety: they feel insecure and project it onto others.
- Egocentrism: they believe that it is good to tell others what they are doing wrong in their judgment so that they can change.
- Lack of tolerance: they are little or not tolerant at all.
- Superiority: they feel superior, they believe that their way of acting and thinking is correct and they get frustrated when someone goes outside their norms.
- Aggressive communication style: they do not know how to communicate correctly.
- Afraid: they are afraid, either because of previous experiences or because of the possibility of abandonment.
The reasons that the person has to criticize do not justify doing so. The constant criticism is toxic for a relationship and in many cases they are considered psychological abuse. Here you will find 9 signs to detect psychological abuse in the partner.
In a healthy relationship the couple adds and does not subtract. It makes you feel better and more confident and doesn't leave you feeling like you're doing everything wrong.
1. Attention
First of all, you need to know what a healthy relationship is and make sure you are not in one toxic relationship.
The healthy relationships they are characterized by affection and admiration and not by criticism. The members of the couple respect each other and do not constantly reproach each other:
- When problems arise, they dialogue and both give in to find a solution and do not accuse each other.
- Each one has their way of thinking and being and the other respects it and does not judge it.
- When one of the members of the couple has problems, she receives the support of the other member and not negative evaluations.
2. Communication
If your partner makes you feel bad with his disapproving attitude, if he speaks badly to you, if he only sees your defects and judges you, it is important that you explain how you feel faced with that situation.
3. Change assessment
If you see intention to change for the better, couple therapy It can help you improve your communication style, accept each other's failures and reach mutually beneficial agreements. If you continue with the relationship, constant criticism is not an option, it is one of the insurmountable limits because it does not benefit either of you or the relationship.
4. End of relationship
If there is no intention of change and your partner believes that he has the right to constantly reproach or criticize you, the best thing for your mental health is to get away of that person.
He may tell you that he does it because he loves you or because he wants the best for you. But the reality is that he does not accept you as you are and that this way of loving is not healthy for anyone. Here you can see 30 signs a relationship isn't working.
We must be aware that there are things that we cannot change and we must accept them as they are. Therefore, if despite letting someone know that their attitude and criticism make you feel bad, don't change your behavior, you need to accept that this relationship hurts you and move away from that relationship person. In the following article you will find how to leave your partner without hurting him and without suffering step by step.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
