Infidelity is a very difficult situation to overcome in the couple and therefore also to forgive. It is a very serious act since the person who has been unfaithful has violated the pact that they had probably established from the beginning of the relationship. It is also about the loss of trust towards the person and a huge lack of respect.
So if you find yourself now going through a situation where they have been unfaithful to you, it is normal that you feel frustrated and you are having a hard time coping with this. In this article from Psychology-Online: how to overcome an infidelity in marriage, we are going to give you a series of tips that will be very useful to achieve this.
Something that is important to mention, although it depends on the individual situation and the perspective of each person, is that you have to take into account the time in which they have been unfaithful to you, the type of relationship that your partner had with the other person since although it is also serious, it is not the same Overnight infidelity where your partner has been in a relationship with another person for 1 year or more for example.
Surely in a long-term infidelity, your partner feels something deeper for the other person unlike a short-term infidelity and it affects you a little less and, therefore, costs you less time overcome it. However, whatever your situation, it is a sensitive issue.
Before moving on to the tips to overcome this situation, we are going to analyze what are the most common causes that usually lead a person to be unfaithful.
- Relationship problems. Have relationship problems constantly and increasingly intense. This is because from the beginning the couple has not learned to solve their problems and is letting them go until they get older. Finally, the members of the couple feel like "no way out" and one or both choose to commit an infidelity even as a way to cope with the situation.
- Monotony in the relationship. On many occasions, couples reach a point where the relationship becomes too monotonous and even boring. They always do the same activities, they never try something new, they stop surprising each other, etc. So they can choose to seek the novelty with other people.
- Infatuation As we know, falling in love, unlike love, is an extremely intense but temporary feeling. Many people often confuse falling in love with love and think that being in love is the deepest way in which you can love someone when it really is not. So it can happen that one of the members of the couple falls in love with another person and thinks that their current partner has ended love.
- Act of revenge. Sometimes a person may decide to be unfaithful by taking revenge for something that her partner did to him, for example that she has also been unfaithful, that he has lied to him, etc. for any situation that the person considers serious enough to commit infidelity.
- Sexual dissatisfaction It may be that one of the members of the relationship feels sexually unsatisfied either because her partner avoids having sex with hers (she), because he does not understand in that sense with her partner or simply because he also likes to experiment with other people.
- Unsafety. Another reason is usually that one of the members of the couple has a very low self-esteem, although sometimes not is so obvious and knowing that you can attract attention and be with other people makes you feel more secure and wanted.
- Emotional immaturity.Emotionally immature people who commit to another person when they really are unable to do so. They commit infidelity without being aware of the consequences that this can bring for the other person and for themselves.
1. Accept what happened
The worst thing to do when a person has been unfaithful to us is to try to avoid the situation, deny ourselves the pain and pretend nothing had happened. It is normal that we feel pain, that we experience it and suffer it since we have been betrayed by the person we probably thought would never do it. For this, it is important to accept that what has happened, although sometimes it costs us and also accept all emotions, although painful, that this could have brought us.
2. Express your emotions
It is necessary that you vent completely and that you are not keeping anything for yourself. Talk about what you feel, cry, scream, write what you feel, no matter how you do it, the important thing is to externalize your emotions.
3. Take your time
The best thing you can do before making any kind of decision, whether it's to continue the relationship or leave it, is to take your time. What is the use of taking your time? It serves more than anything to stop and reflect on what happened, to vent, to live your own acceptance process and finally you can more clearly make the decision that you think is best for you.
4. Make a decision
After you've taken your time, your perspective on cheating has probably changed. So now you have to face this situation and notevade it. Whatever decision you have made, communicate it to your partner, explain the reasons you have for making the decision and reach an agreement in the best possible way.
5. Learn to forgive
Finally, whether or not you have decided to continue the relationship, it is important that you learn to forgive the person because that forgiveness will relieve yourself. It is clear that it is not something that you can easily do from one day to the next, but when you have the intention of doing it, things will be easier for you.
In case you have decided to forgive and continue with your marriage but feel that you cannot handle the situation alone, it is highly recommended that both of you go to couples therapy with a professional. The therapy is carried out alternating sessions individually and as a couple. The goal of this therapy is to learn to manage emotions caused by infidelity, discover the problems that probably already existed at their roots and gradually give them a solution.
It also focuses on improving communication in the couple as this will help them to understand each other better and to solve future conflicts in a better way, that increases support and understanding, among other things favorable to the relationship in the short and long term term. It helps the person who has been affected to sincerely forgive her partner and even helps the person who has committed the infidelity to achieve forgive himself since in this type of case, the feeling of guilt in which he was unfaithful is making him suffer too much to the degree that it also affects the relationship with the other. Regaining confidence is essential and for this the professional makes use of techniques and tools that they have to carry out at home to achieve it.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
