Every breaking circumstance is different. However, there is a situation that especially hurts: a couple breakdown conditioned by third parties. In this Psychology-Online article we help you find a solution to this situation that we propose below: how to get over your girlfriend leaving you for someone else. In this article we give you the keys to move forward with your life. Beyond the pain, the hope lies in your self-esteem.
If you want to know how to overcome that your girlfriend has left you for another in Psychology-Online we are going to give you a series of tips that will be of great help to you and they will ensure that you can turn the page and heal your wounds. They are as follows:
- Cry the disappointment. You need to vent the wound, express the contained anger, channel the pain of abandonment. Therefore, express what you feel, do not repress it.
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Do not give more weight to this circumstance. What is truly decisive is not the existence of a third person, but the rupture itself. That is the objective fact; the good bye. Therefore, try to live this break as if your partner had not fallen in love with a third person. The ultimate fact is that you are no longer together. It is in this direction that you should focus your energy.
- Don't blame that third person. Do not hold that third person responsible for a decision that your partner has made regarding your relationship. Don't take your frustration out on that person.
- Break the contact throught social media. A true rupture materializes when on a psychological level you have assumed this fact. And to achieve this, it will help you to distance yourself with your ex through social networks because if you continue to know the news of your present life through Facebook, for example, then your heart follows in the past, not in the Present.
- Don't compare yourself with that person who has fallen in love with your partner. You also fell in love with him in the past. Don't compete internally with that someone. Your value remains the same before as it is now. This lack of love should not influence your self-esteem since you are a unique, unrepeatable and resilient being. That is, within you you have unlimited resources to overcome this story.
- Don't try to keep the friendship after the break up. This is a form of self-deception. Right now, you are not ready to befriend a person who has hurt your feelings. If you consider the possibility of friendship, it is very likely that within that longing there is the hope of winning your ex back.
- Focus on your own life. Take care of your professional goals. Cultivate your leisure time. Meet your friends. Let yourself be protected by your family. Travels. Invest in your own happiness! Don't make a drama out of this situation. Remember that pain is an objective fact, but suffering is subjective.
Think that you fall into suffering when you go around this situation a thousand times and exaggerate what happened. Make a list of a personal goal you want to achieve now, and come up with an action plan to achieve it.
The role you assume in this break conditions you in a positive or negative way. Don't assume the role of victim that leads you to suffer even more for what happened. It is normal that what happened hurts you, you have the right to feel disappointed and angry. However, remember that you are still the protagonist of your life.
Imagine that you are the writer of a story in which the protagonist of the plot is going through the same situation. How would you like the script of this story to be, giving this character the possibility of overcoming himself from this situation? You can do the actual exercise of writing this story. It is a gift that you can give yourself!
May be you analyze your love story with perspective from the distance you can see that there was already something that was not going well between you. That is, maybe you can find something that leads you to think that in reality, the distance between the two occurred before your girlfriend fell in love with that person. Perhaps that has been the definitive trigger for the rupture, but there may be a prior situation of distancing.
Or, simply, it may happen that your girlfriend has fallen in love with someone else, just as something similar could have happened to you. Accepting what has happened is the most difficult but the sooner you do it, the sooner you evolve.
Remember this message from the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers: "Being empathic is seeing the world through the eyes of the other and not seeing our world reflected in their eyes." Therefore, try to observe this break not only from your own gaze, but also from the point of view of your partner.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
