A separation is always a painful event, even when it occurs by mutual agreement. The circumstances of a separation are always complex, but they are even more so when the couple has children since this change also affects the family situation.
In turn, the children are a stimulus of strength and motivation to try to maintain a cordial relationship with the ex-partner, mainly thinking that they suffer as little as possible. ¿How to get over a separation when there are children? At Psychology-Online, we offer you quality information based on emotional intelligence.
In such a situation, it is common for the parents themselves to feel emotional vertigo and concern for the new stage. The whole family is experiencing a process of adaptation to change. It is recommended that as an adult, you have support outside your own family nucleus to be able to share with these people the feelings and doubts surrounding this process. This external support is therapeutic to enhance relief and reduce stress. To the extent that you take care of yourself, you avoid infecting your child with your own discomfort.
1. Be patient and face the situation calmly
Trust that time helps put things in their place. Maybe you look around and see the example of a former partner who maintains a cordial relationship and you feel that you have to make a great emotional effort to be able to maintain this criterion now same. Time is important to heal the wounds of the first moment and let the distance help calm the suffering. Remember that this moment will pass.
Try give normality to the new family situation without establishing constant comparisons with the previous stage. Now you no longer have a role as a couple, however, you do have the great responsibility of loving your children unconditionally and educating them in solid values. Therefore, you can focus communication on those aspects that have to do with childcare. Setting common goals can be especially effective at this time.
2. Develop communication strategies
It is advisable to enhance techniques for effective communication with the children's teachers because they may notice a change in their attitude or want to share an assessment. Home and school are two of the most important spaces in the child's life. For this reason, it is convenient to establish bridges of dialogue between both scenarios.
3. Work on your empathy and emotional intelligence
Think of the common good. In a situation of separation you may experience feelings of individualism, however, from the point of Rational view you can redirect the situation by observing how the common good enhances your own well-being and that of your children. That is, if your children feel good, you are better too (and vice versa).
Don't make the universal mistakes that those who have gone through this process regret so often. Be careful with actions that may be the result of anger. For example, speaking ill of your ex partner to your children. If you need to vent, write everything you need to express in a letter and then tear up the page.
4. Look for a good therapy
Get professional help. A psychologist can guide you with concrete suggestions and recommendations around the family situation to act constructively and pedagogically. The expert can give you directions on how to communicate the separation to children and on how to overcome sadness after a separation. In that case, it is advisable not to give children excessive details about the reasons for the breakup.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
