My partner does not fill me: why and what to do

Falling out of love is a normal process that occurs within a couple, it is natural just like falling in love. However, it is a situation that causes sadness, uncertainty, grief and anguish when the couple does not fill emotional, sexual and intellectually causing discomfort and behavior that is characterized by being unhealthy and productive for both people within the relationship.

In Psychology-Online, we will expand this topic and see why doesn't your partner fill you up and what can you do in this situation.

Index

1. What is the couple, conception and characteristics
2. Why doesn't my partner fill me out?
3. What to do if my partner does not fulfill me intellectually?
4. What to do if my partner does not fill me up sexually?
5. When is it time to leave your partner?

The couple relationship is one of the most complex forms of interaction that human beings have due to the fact that aspects are involved psychological, social, cultural, upbringing, biological, among others to promote the affective relationship with another person, being able to be heterosexual or homosexual.

From the point of view of psychology, the author Zinker (2005) cited by (Espínola, Ortega, Moreno and Gamboa, 2017) argues that the couple is a system of people committed to staying together over a period of time, thus maintaining their continuity.

A couple relationship is the romantic type of sentimental bond that unites two people and this relationship is known socially as courtship, concubinage or marriage. When a couple is formed, a new system is created which has its own characteristics that will relate or differentiate from the initial system from which it comes which is its primary nucleus or its family of origin. Each couple brings myths, beliefs and expectations that have been built throughout his life, many of these expectations have been built from those observed in his coexistence with his family of origin.

The love of a couple is that feeling that is born within the couple and that is shared by both members, which through values, respect, affection they give their best for the well-being and balance of the relationship. In short, a relationship is a romantic relationship where individuals share their lives, projects, mutual commitment, understanding and individual space.

In this way, love within the couple is built and strengthened over time, living together, and exploring the other person. It may happen that in any affective relationship in which you have been immersed a feeling of emptiness appears that with the passing of time is never filled with the presence of the couple.

The emotional emptiness that can be experienced in an affective relationship is expressed with the next phrase "feeling that something is missing in life" which is not filled in the relationship affective. In general, when this feeling is present in one of the members that make up the couple, the relationship sooner or later ends since the feeling absorbs the couple in their attempt to fill up and the other person to continue contributing without seeing Outcome.

Lack of sexual affinity

Affinity and sexual life is one of the key points in an affective relationship. If there is no sexual satisfaction, the emptiness will be present even more if what you want to experience is not discussed with the other person.

Lack of intellectual affinity

In the same way, if there is no intellectual affinity, thought and reasoning is not shared or nurtured, it leads to the dissolution of the couple's relationship.

Loss of motivation and interest

It is important to note that sometimes it is not the partner that makes you feel that emptiness, it is the person himself who can present a feeling of emptiness characterized by the loss of motivation and interest in what happens in your life, it is similar to a feeling of having nothing to within. This negative feeling is frequently associated with suffering and conflict. The person who suffers from it seeks in others to fill that void that he possesses, which does not generate positive rewards but rather negative ones.

For Murillo, D. (2019), one of the three pillars that must be present in a relationship is the intellectuality, since the human being is not made of only emotions, but it is important and vital to nurture the thoughts, have an intellectual affinity and have a similar way of nurturing reasoning.

In other words, thinking and rationally manifesting more or less the same in relation to the workplace, values, religion, sex, education, culture and family dynamics, the affective relationship flows more productive.

In the same way, the author relates that one of the aspects that most feeds the couple relationship, affection and Affinity is the contribution of valuable ideas within the relationship that lead to personal development and conjugal. Otherwise, they will progressively exclude one from the other, this being one of the most common causes of separation between couples.

Intellectual growth is born from companionship and creative work between the two, likewise morality is born from intellectual reasoning, trust and not on prejudice. Likewise, the degree of maturity is related to the spiritual development of the couple.

If this intellectual affinity does not exist and it produces a void within the couple's relationship, it is advisable to work based on that intellectual affinity especially if there is already an affective commitment through mutual spaces for intellectual, spiritual and values ​​growth.

The sexual act has a considerable influence on the understanding and stability of the couple's relationships, not only for the physical pleasure but also for the emotional relationship. After the infatuation phase, the sexual act is the union that the couple will have and it is a union that is made to last. In this process of the sexual act, later the intimacy process enters which plays an important role in the couple's relationship as well as communication.

Knowledge of yourself and the other person, like trust, are key points in the sexual sphere, enhancing these aspects will decrease the probability that difficulties will appear in the intimate sphere of the couple.

However, sometimes difficulties appear in the sexual life of a couple, where the sexual act is not satisfactory and turns off the couple's relationship. If in this case you feel sexual dissatisfaction, it is advisable to try from trust and communication this important point for any couple, sexual self-exploration It is key to self-knowledge, to investigate the most erogenous zones and the most sensitive sites. Sexual monotony is also a turning point in any relationship, return to exits, other spaces and discover sexual fantasies they can help re-establish the connection with the other person.

If, on the contrary, an attempt has been made to establish the relationship and the emptiness persists, it is time to seek professional help to know the origin of the emptiness that causes the consequences that are had in the couple relationship.

In these articles, you will find more information about Sexual problems in the couple and proposals of Sex games to change the routine.

It is important to note that in order to have a healthy relationship, each member must be healthy first, even if it sounds almost impossible because they are human beings, but it is sought to fill the void with the partner when it is the person who drags such deficiencies. At this point, it is advisable not to delete it or fill them with other people, it is the person himself who must fill himselfFor this, help with a mental health professional is essential and necessary.

Another aspect to limit is that human beings are independent people to our own needs and desires which must be raised with the couple and between the two achieve the necessary balance in favor of the affective relationship. If you do not achieve the proposed objective, it is best to think about the well-being of both and achieve objectives separately, do not remain immersed in a relationship where emptiness is the main factor of the relationship.

In the following article we explain How to know when to end a relationship.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My partner does not fill me: why and what to do, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Espínola, I.; Aída Ortega, C.; Moreno, Ma.; Gamboa, C. (2017). Psychology for Latin America. Recovered from: http://pepsic.bvsalud.org/scielo.php? script = sci_arttext & pid = S1870-350X2017000300002
• Murillo, D. (2019). The observer. Recovered from: https://www.elle.com/es/living/pareja-sexo/g795132/tu-pareja-no-te-satisface/