Relationships vary over time and it is normal to experiment on some occasions out of tiredness and/or boredom. For some people these moments are nothing more than small ups and downs in the course of the relationship that can be solved and even strengthened. For others, however, it may be a turning point that leads to the breakdown of the relationship. If you are concerned about the stability and quality of your relationship, it can be difficult to discern if the problem is the relationship itself or the circumstances that surround it. How do we differentiate a bad moment or a pothole from an unsatisfactory relationship? When do we know that we have grown tired and fallen out of love with our partner?
In this Psychology-Online article we explain 10 signs about How do I know if I'm tired of my partner?
Index
- loss of privacy
- Time together is no longer important
- apathy and disinterest
- Decrease in the frequency and quality of sexual intercourse
- Incompatibility
- Stagnation
- Your partner is no longer a priority
- Comparisons with other relationships
- divergent interests
- you don't try anymore
Loss of privacy.
At the beginning of the relationship you may feel intense love, but as the honeymoon phase wears off, the excitement and enthusiasm subside. Although this is normal in most relationships, if closeness and affection diminish drastically, the couple begins to move away and distance themselves, coming to perceive the other as a stranger.
In this way, when a relationship begins to function on "autopilot" and there are fewer and fewer frequent words of affection, compliments or expressions of gratitude and admiration, the relationship deteriorates. As intimacy wanes, the same may happen with feelings of love.
Time together is no longer important.
Couples who are in love spend time together and try to be present in each other's lives. That is, they look for ways to involve their partner in being present in their lives, and they want to be as close to the other person as possible. Likewise, many may not be able to wait until they get home from work or the weekend to spend time with them. In these cases, the simple fact of going for a walk or having dinner together is very rewarding.
However, if You don't find the idea of exploring the world with your partner appealing, it is possible that his company is not important enough to you. Therefore, another sign that you have fallen out of love with your partner is that you are distancing yourself from his or her usual way and you spend less and less time together doing activities shared.
Apathy and disinterest.
Although the honeymoon phase does not last forever and it is normal for a couple's initial intensity and emotion to stabilize over time, it is not a good sign for them to appear. feelings of apathy and disinterestabsolute towards your partner and/or the relationship.
People in love value their partners and feel lucky to have a relationship with the person they love. They think of him or her often, express concern when they think their partner is unhappy, and try to fix the problem as soon as possible.
However, disinterest begins to manifest itself when the couple begins to lower their guard and stop being considerate of each other. This can wear down the relationship, causing partners to feel less and less valued and important in each other's lives, leading to feelings of disconnection.
Therefore, if your partner is rarely on your mind, you feel that they have little to offer, You do not consider him special and you attribute few qualities to him, you feel that it is a "one more" or "someone in the crowd", this is an important symptom of falling out of love.
Decrease in the frequency and quality of sexual intercourse.
In most cases, couples who are in love tend to have sexual relations frequently and show satisfaction and quality in their intimate encounters. They enjoy pleasuring their partners in bed, not only to boost their own egos, but to make the partner feel wanted, wanted, and valued. They take pleasure in giving pleasure and are genuinely interested in what arouses and is satisfying for their partners.
Couples who fall out of love, by contrast, often experience a decrease in physical intimacy. This can mean a high decrease in the frequency and quality of interactions sexual intercourse, decreased sexual desire, less postcoital affection, or other losses in terms of sexual intimacy. In these cases, it is common to make excuses to avoid intimacy until, finally, neither party initiates contact, which is usually not a good sign.
Therefore, if you never feel like being around your partner and you are not interested in making love to her, it can indicate that something is not working between you. If you want to know more about this topic you can read the article Why does my partner not want to have sex with me?.
Incompatibility.
Couples with similar attitudes, values, and backgrounds tend to experience longer-lasting contentment, companionship, intimacy, and feelings of love, and are less likely to break up.
However, as a couple get to know each other better and the excitement of the initial moments fades, they may discover that their lifestyles, priorities and values are not compatible, which will cause the couple to feel discouraged when thinking about their future together.
Stagnation.
The main causes of stagnation in a relationship are related to a decrease in emotion and habituation and anchoring in routines, but also in the loss of meaning and lack of personal and couple growth.
In a study conducted at Durham University[1], the researchers found a positive relationship between people with greater relational self-expansion and higher levels of passion in their relationship. That is, when personal growth has no place in the relationship and is not shared with the partner, this could reduce feelings of closeness and connection and, ultimately, passion.
In this way, another sign that you are not advancing together appears when you are advancing in terms of personal growth, but your partner doesn't seem to be focused on trying to better themselves and/or the relationship.
Your partner is no longer a priority.
People who are still deeply in love with their partners consider them a very important priority in their lives. They feel comfortable when their partner spends time with other people, but both parties are careful not to exclude the other. In turn, they are taken into account when making plans, activities and trips. The feelings and needs of the person they love are always high on the priority list.
However, when a person feels tired and/or bored with their partner, they will not show themselves as available. In this way, often Prioritize other activities that are more interesting to you and satisfactory. The presence in the life of the other feels more like an obligation than a choice.
Instead, couples who are connected are prioritized, even when there is physical distance between them. When they are apart, they maintain the bond and keep their partner in their thoughts, share the things that happen to them during the day and they can't wait to ask for each other's opinion until they meet again meet.
For this reason, when the desire to share your day to day with your partner fades, you may have grown tired of the relationship. In these cases, the communication is likely to continue, but the content of the messages will usually not have much emotion or depth. Likewise, it is common for one to speak more than the other and for the interactions to be perceived as unequal.
Comparisons with other relationships.
When you start comparing your relationship with other couples and yours is always lacking, this is definitely not a good sign. You may also start compare your current relationship with previous ones, focusing on the elements that were “better” or happier.
If you find yourself constantly comparing your relationship leaving it in a bad light and feel longing for past relationships or envy from other relationships because yours does not satisfy you, this may be an indication that there is something in the relationship that is not working.
Divergent interests.
When a love relationship is being formed, we usually look for similarities with our partner. Instead, when things start to fall apart, we can anchor ourselves with what sets us apart. Couples in love try to focus on shared interests and what they have in common.
On the contrary, couples who fall out of love focus on their personal interests, on aspects in which the couple is at the margin and on their differences and discrepancies.
You no longer try.
Relationships require effort and desire on both sides. A key to a successful long-term relationship is for both parties to be focused and motivated in the relationship, and not find it It is a sacrifice to dedicate the time and energy to maintain the bond with your partner, that is, they look for ways to keep the calls.
Yeah you have stopped trying, trying hard and you don't even feel like it or consider it important to try to strengthen your relationship, this can be a clear sign that you have tired of your partner.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How do I know if I'm tired of my partner?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
References
- Carswell, K. L., Muise, A., Harasymchuk, C., Horne, R. M., Visserman, M. L., & Impett, E. TO. (2021). Growing desire or growing apart? Consequences of personal self-expansion for romantic passion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Bibliography
- Harasymchuk, C., Peetz, J., Fehr, B., & Chowdhury, S. (2021). Worn out relationship? The role of expectations in judgments of relational boredom. Personal Relationships, 28(1), 80-98.
- Illouz, E. (2019). The end of love: A sociology of negative relations. Oxford University Press.
- Sailor, J. L. (2013). A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love. Qualitative Report, 18, 37.
