There is no doubt that advances in technology and the accompanying cultural change have impacted the way people interact and communicate. The use of technology, especially mobile phones, can help make communication in a relationship more fluid. However, digital communication has redefined the boundaries of romantic relationships with greater opportunities to misuse it, potentially damaging relationships.
One of these harmful and unhealthy behaviors is looking at your partner's mobile. This way of acting occurs in a context of mistrust when the person who "spies" on his partner feels that she is hiding something from him. It can provide information to the person who practices it, but it has negative consequences in the relationship, such as an increase in conflicts and a decrease in trust. In the following Psychology-Online article we explain what to do if my partner looks at my mobile.
Index
- How do I know if my partner is looking at my phone?
- Why does my partner look at my mobile?
- What to do if my partner looks at my mobile
How to know if my partner looks at my mobile.
In research published in the College Student Journal[1], researchers found that looking at your partner's phone without their knowledge or consent is more common than we thought, and around two-thirds of those surveyed reported that they had spied on their partner in some way. couple.
The act of looking at or spying on the mobile has become a common phenomenon in couple relationships, since that technology has allowed people to “stalk” or monitor the private communication of others people. There are people who, using the argument "if you do nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide" seek to have access to their partner's mobile, to monitor and control private conversations and the use you make of the device.
However, this is a form of emotional blackmail, which can be hurtful, uncomfortable, and even violent. in the person who receives it, who, exercising her freedom, refuses to accept this intrusion into her privacy. If they don't get mobile access through this tactic, they may resort to other less obvious methods to access your partner's mobile, taking advantage of any moment.
What happens if my partner has looked at my whatsapp
These types of “secret intrusions” can occur when the couple is busy with other activities, such as example showering or sleeping, and usually includes reviewing chats in applications, calls and messages on networks social. On an even more sophisticated level, some people may actually use applications specialized to spy on the to monitor and control through the mobile phones of their partners without leaving no trace[2].
In any case, if you suspect that your partner may be looking at your mobile without your consent, the best way to clear up your doubts is to ask them directly. Looking at another person's mobile without their permission or knowledge is intrusive behavior that creates a dynamic of mistrust and secrecy in the relationship that is not healthy. In order not to perpetuate this dynamic, which can be toxic, it is best to address it openly.
If you want to know more about this type of relationship, in the following article we explain the Consequences of a toxic relationship.
Why does my partner look at my mobile?
There are several reasons why your partner may be looking at your mobile without your permission. Below, we explain some of them:
Lack of trust
In a study carried out at the University of Amsterdam[3], found that a person is more likely to try to peek at their partner's cell phone when he perceives that her partner "reveals" few things, does not trust her, or she fears that he may be hiding something. However, they found that if one partner does not trust the other, he may resort to spying on her partner, even when there is communication.
Conversely, when the level of trust is high, even if the communication is less, these intrusive behaviors are less likely to be carried out.
Jealousy
Looking at your partner's mobile without their permission is largely related to feeling jealous and fear of possible betrayal. In fact, one of the most common ways to discover an adventure is through the mobile, since it is usually necessary to communicate with third parties.
Therefore, if your partner suspects that you are talking to other people or that you are being unfaithful, it is possible that he will try to find the evidence on your mobile.
Unsafety
A person who feels insecure, either due to past injuries such as having been cheated on, low self-esteem, the belief that no one can be trusted, etc. may be motivated to find information about their partner in a “sneaky” way so as not to expose your vulnerability.
In this way, if your partner is not able to express their concerns or fears, they may resort to looking at your mobile to find the information they need to obtain security.
Search for answers about the relationship.
Uncertainty is a difficult feeling for most people to tolerate, especially in the context of a relationship. Not knowing what to expect or how to act with your partner It can lead the person to try to reduce this discomfort in various ways, including seeking information and answers.
However, instead of directly asking the couple about their commitment in the relationship or if they are having an affair, they try to look for the answers on their mobile.
Control
Some people have the need to control your partner. In these cases, looking at your mobile can be a way to exercise control and keep the couple and the relationship on track by monitoring their activities and the decisions they make.
The mobile is a very personal device, so a person who tries to control their partner will resort to looking at her mobile to limit her freedom.
Curiosity
Finally, it is possible that your partner simply has curious to know who you are talking to or what you do on your mobile. In some cases, when a person in a romantic relationship may want to investigate her partner's mobile phone to find out what activities, what she entertains herself or what her partner does.
What to do if my partner looks at my mobile.
If your partner is looking at your mobile without your consent, it is possible that this temptation is due to a discomfort with which they resort to this behavior to mitigate their anguish. However, even if you can empathize with their pain, it is a intrusive behavior, which invades your privacy and limits your freedom, so you shouldn't justify it.
This type of behavior increases insecurity and mistrust in relationships, causes conflicts and harms people. For this reason, we will explain below some advices To know what to do if your partner spies on your mobile:
1. Address problems in the relationship
If your partner has ever been tempted to look at your mobile or has done so without your permission, it is important to talk to him or her and address any trust issues you may have. Your partner may be connecting with their past hurts when they hurt them and trying to check if you will also deceive him, or maybe he is angry and that is why he has taken your mobile without your permission.
In any case, looking at a person's mobile without their permission is something that cannot be ignored or let go. It is more efficient to address the situation to reach an effective resolution.
2. Direct and fluid communication
It is essential to talk to your partner and that you can explain to him what you feel when he looks at your mobile without your permission. In the same way, it is important that your partner can express himself and explain what has led him to act in this way. The open and honest communication It can help overcome trust issues in the relationship and resist the temptation to peek at the other person's phone on the sly.
Therefore, if your partner looks at your mobile, you may need to have more conversations about your problemstrustworthy to help strengthen your bond in a healthier way, feel heard and be able to understand and welcome your affective needs.
Conflicts also appear in a healthy relationship, but what makes the difference is the way to approach them, making requests in a constructive way to reach solutions with which both parties feel comfortable.
3. Honesty and transparency
In a relationship where honesty and transparency predominate it is less likely that one of the members will look at the other's mobile without her consent, because there is no nothing that you have to "find out", since sharing information with your partner builds trust in the relationship.
For example, you could say to your partner something like, "I only talk to my friends on Instagram and I don't reply to direct messages from people I don't know, how about you?" This is a way to create transparency and show your partner that you have nothing to hide.
However, it is key that you can speak openly, but always based on trust, transparency and mutual honesty and should never be a consequence of the need for control of your partner.
4. Provide security in the couple
Lack of trust in a relationship can appear when one member of the couple becomes hermetic and reluctant to share important aspects of his life. In this dynamic of secrecy, negative behaviors may appear, such as your partner looking at your mobile without your permission, to find out what is wrong with you, if there are threats to the relationship, etc.
However, this does not justify that looking at the mobile without someone's consent is a valid behavior, but it can be useful to understand the context and the possible lack of trust, openness and inefficient communication.
5. Set limits
It is important set clear boundaries on the use of mobile phones and privacy in a relationship to avoid invasive behavior and protect the privacy of both parties. The couple has to agree together what is right and what is not and what are the red lines that can never be crossed.
It is important to remember that each person has the right to their privacy, even in a relationship. Respecting that right can help improve trust in the relationship.
6. Say goodbye if it's normal
Occasional conflicts are normal in a relationship, so arguing and having disagreements does not have to indicate that the relationship is not working. In fact, relationships are strengthened through effective conflict resolution.
However, if your partner looks at your mobile without your permission, he wants to be with you at all times, and when you are not, he needs to control where you are, this indicates that he is acting in a dependent way, tries to control you, does not fulfill his responsibilities or does not have other interests and concerns outside of your relationship, something that is not healthy.
Therefore, if you have already spoken assertively with your partner, you have communicated how you feel when they look at your mobile without your permission, but they still do not respect the limits or your space, It's time to rethink the relationship. Remember that a relationship as a couple builds, expands and helps you grow. Conversely, when conflicts become too frequent and unbearable and relationships create more suffering than anything else, it's time to leave. Love liberates, does not imprison.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to What to do if my partner looks at my mobile, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
References
- Derby, K., Knox, D., & Easterling, B. (2012). Snooping in romantic relationship. College Student Journal, 46(2), 333–343.
- Fox, J., & Rooney, M. c. (2015). The Dark Triad and trait self-objectification as predictors of men's use and self-presentation behaviors on social networking sites. Personality and Individual Differences, 76, 161-165.
- Vinkers, C. D., Finkenauer, C., & Hawk, S. T. (2011). Why do close partners snoop? Predictors of intrusive behavior in newlywed couples. Personal Relationships, 18(1), 110-124.
Bibliography
- Afifi, W. TO. and S. Metts. 1998. Characteristics and consequences of expectation violations in close relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 15: 365-392.
- Arikewuyo A. O., Eluwole, K. K., & Özad, B. (2021). Influence of lack of trust on romantic relationship problems: The mediating role of partner cell phone snooping. Psychological Reports, 124(1), 348-365.
