We don't always understand the true nature of rage, also known as rage. In fact, it is usually considered a negative emotion because it is experienced with high levels of discomfort, however, it makes sense and that is why it prevails. From mild to explosive episodes, when we express anger, especially in a non-assertive way, we are likely to harm others as well as ourselves.
For these reasons, detecting and understanding how anger manifests itself in relationships can help you manage it more effectively. In this Psychology-Online article we will answer your question about Why do I feel angry towards my partner and what to do? about.
Anger often manifests itself when we feel annoyed and irritated, when we perceive that we are losing control. control of what happens and we cannot "turn off" these sensations that produce high levels of discomfort and distress. this emotion usually comes from feelings that are difficult to expresssuch as fear, anxiety, shame, perception of threats, hopelessness and helplessness.
Because your partner can't see the cause of your anger, they may react defensively. The result can lead to a spiral of misunderstandings and conflict. Next, we present several scenarios that can help you detect if you feel anger towards your partner:
- Your partner complains a lot: one of the first signs with which you can begin to ask yourself this question is when your partner lets you know, because either complaining about some attitude of yours, noticing distance, for some misinterpreted word, because you have raised the tone of voice, etc In this situation, a frequent reaction is feel guilty. It is important to ask yourself if you have really acted in a way that has hurt your partner (and take responsibility) or, if not the case, and your partner is upset about some other issue that would have what to elucidate
- you have displays of anger: Expressing anger non-assertively in the form of angry outbursts is an unhealthy way to relieve stress. Also, the way the anger manifests itself will affect your partner and the relationship, depending on the frequency and intensity. You must bear in mind that feeling angry or rage is normal, but there are certain limits that cannot be crossed, such as insulting, belittling, threatening, etc.
- You are upset with your partner: Anger and resentment in love relationships are often attributions of blame, assuming that your partner has behaved unfairly. If you feel "my partner makes me angry", you are alert, outraged or angry, it is very possible that your partner has done something that has upset you. Are there habits or behaviors of his that you find unpleasant? Ask yourself honestly if there is anything your partner has done that may have irritated you.
- You feel that you do not understand: when you perceive that you are not taken into account or you do not feel listened to, it is possible that you get upset with your partner, especially if they do not support you in important aspects of your life. People often start love relationships with high levels of empathy and kindness, but when they wane, resentment and anger arise. In this article we give you the best tips to overcome resentment.
- It's a recurring pattern: Anger may be due to certain relational patterns that have never been faced or resolved. It is useful to ask yourself if this pattern has appeared in your relationships. When you start to create a deep bond, is your first reaction anger or anger? It could be that you project unresolved past wounds into your relationship, in which you developed the belief that love is dangerous. To resolve this dilemma, it is important that you differentiate your past hurts with your current relationship and your role in the current problem.
Understanding why you feel angry towards your partner will depend on what exactly it is, but, in general, resentment indicates that there is an unresolved problem. Next, we expose you the most common causes of feeling anger.
Transfer worries to your partner
When in doubt why I feel so angry towards my partner, you should make sure that the problem really has to do with your partner or is related to another person. Sometimes you may just be having a hard time with your family or feeling stuck at work.
Perhaps you are in a bad mood and you find yourself more irritable, because you have had an argument with a friend or family member that still worries you, and youyou are transferring that discomfort to your partner. Maybe you don't really want to be in a relationship, so you're looking for an argument to leave him.
Specific circumstances that have triggered the anger
Why am I mad at my boyfriend? A good way to draw conclusions about the anger you feel is to think how long the behavior of the partner in question affected you. For example, you might get angry for ten minutes if your partner is late, but it could take months to get over an affair.
Another way to deal with the anger you are feeling is to imagine yourself out of the situation and ask yourself how you would react if someone sought your unbiased opinion.
have low self esteem
You may be living in circumstances that are difficult to deal with. low self esteem can undermine your self-confidence and even go so far as to provoke outbursts of anger.
If this is the case for you, you should address the entire issue rather than just the trigger. Working on your self-esteem not only benefits you, it helps your partner see where you're coming from and makes them less likely to dismiss your anger as an overreaction. In this article you will find information about how to improve self esteem.
Have anxiety and/or stress
You are more likely to feel anger towards your partner when you are going through a situation that causes you anxiety and/or stress. What to do when I am angry with my partner? Give yourself some time to feel and let these emotions pass. when you're upset. Talk to your partner when the intensity subsides. In these situations you must remember why you appreciate your partner despite the emotionality of the moment.
There is a problem in the relationship
If trivial things bother you on a regular basis, that you don't even consider important, that could point to a bigger problem in the relationship. For example, maybe you get angry because your partner is always late because you feel that deep down they don't prioritize time together. In this situation, it is important recognize and address the problem major.
So what to do when I'm angry with my partner? If you want to know how to act in these situations, do not miss the following tips:
1. Learn to recognize anger
It is important to recognize the different forms of anger and the behaviors that normally accompany it. Observe how anger affects you and your partner. Being able to identify your feelings will help you convey them with empathy and in a kinder tone to your partner.
Find the reason for your anger, without judging, and with an open mind. You don't need to find out right now, but at least spend some time reflecting to get an idea. Being aware of why you are angry It is the first step to be able to approach it constructively.
2. Don't ignore him
How to overcome resentment towards the couple? Suppressing emotions can lead to the appearance of physical and emotional health problems. On the contrary, if you pay attention to your feelings and try to understand what is causing them, you will be able to identify effective ways to manage them and promote your well-being.
Ignore anger alone it will make things worse, since the problem will not be solved and, in the face of any circumstance that bothers you, you will be prone to exploding.
3. be assertive
Assertive communication involves express feelings and thoughts firmly, both positive and negative, and be open to hearing your partner's position. If you are angry, this emotional state does not have to lead to an outburst of anger.
Expressing your anger through assertive communication is much more productive, since your partner will be able to understand you better and you will not damage the relationship. In this article, we tell you how to resolve a conflict assertively.
4. Learn to argue better
It's not about avoiding controversial topics or shutting up what bothers you. Although it is unpleasant to have an argument with your partner, it is something natural and inevitable in all relationships. Resist the urge to throw in the towel at the first argument or to "get over it." Instead, learn to argue.
Running away or imposing your arguments will not help you have a healthy relationship. In the process of learning to argue, keep in mind that everyone has different needs. You may need to talk to your partner as soon as possible to calm your anguish, and instead, your partner needs time to de-escalate and reconnect with you.
To calm the anger towards your partner and for an effective reconciliation to take place, on the one hand, the person who has generated the damage must accept the time that the other person needs to manage their pain and carry out acts of repair. On the other hand, the injured person has to be open to forgive.
5. Give yourself a time out or rest
How to stop feeling angry for a person? When you are angry, you are more likely to act emotionally than rationally. A distorted view of the situation can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and hasty conclusions.
Do not look for a solution to a conflict when you are angry, stressed or irritable. When you can't have a productive conversation and actively listen to your partner, it's best to take a time out or break. This period is vital for processing feelings of anger and resentment. You need time to heal the wound and take care of yourself to resolve the conflict.
6. Take responsibility when you're wrong
Raising your voice, yelling, belittling or insulting are dysfunctional ways of handling a problem. Although your emotions, including rage and anger, are valid, these behaviors are not, and are not justified in any way.
If you're wrong and have a fit of anger, take responsibility for your action, since you will have hurt your partner. Offer a sincere apology and reflect on the best way to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. Actively take action to repair the damage you may have caused to your partner. If it is something that happens to you on a regular basis, seek professional help. In this article you will find some tips on how to manage anger.
7. Use techniques to calm yourself down
It's not about never getting angry, but about knowing how to deal with anger when it arises. Of course, there will be moments and situations that upset you. In these cases, make sure you have calmed down enough to be able to keep control and don't lose form.
To stop feeling angry towards your partner, you can write a list of strategies to manage it, such as exercising, take a relaxing bath, solve a puzzle, read a few chapters of a book, write a couple of pages of a diary, breathing techniques, etc.
8. Builds trust in the relationship
It is normal to have disagreements with your partner, but they do not have to go beyond that, otherwise you will lose sight of the commitment in your relationship. the problems and conflicts can be resolved when both parties are willing to collaborate.
When there is something that bothers you, remind yourself of the commitment you have with your partner and why it is worth being with them, despite the disagreements. It may take effort, but being close to her and connected to her is a habit to nurture.
